Turned Down in the Downturn

Status... Virtually laid off. Let me explain. On Tuesday, March 24 I was laid off by corporate edict, with two weeks notice, along with the other freelancers in the Global Marketing Services division of Towers Perrin. Nobody saw it coming. We'd heard nothing about company losses. My bosses were as shocked as I was. They were very sorry, but there was nothing to be done.

I can tell you how it feels: like dying and coming back to haunt your old life. Everything looks odd and out of perspective. Your brain is deadened. Your heart stops feeling anything, to protect you.

Lately I'm thinking... Now, more than a week later, I've been anxious, sleepless, angry, hurt and sad. I liked my job, and how often does that happen? But at the same time, positivity was sneaking through: Wow, freedom. I'll be able to see Spring this year first hand, something that means a great deal to me. I'll lose the evil commute over the bridge just before they start putting the steel plates from hell back on the road surface for maintenance. I'll have time to lend a hand with Stuart's new business.

This is interesting... The first thing I did, after crying, was succumb to some dumb Internet scam (something like, "Bob's Money Blog"). Pay $2 for shipping, get a kit to make $60K from home on your computer. I always spot scams, just not that day. Then, due to several emotional downturns, it took me six more days to cancel the damn thing. (After seven days, they start charging $80 a month to your card for "using their software." That was pure desperation -- the powerful urge to FIX IT RIGHT NOW, followed by lowered self-esteem: I should pay for being so dumb).

Currently watching... One lonely purple crocus among the yellows, the forsythia's popping out, the tulip leaves are up. I'll have to go see if the peonies are doing anything yet. Oh, a Demitri Martin Special. He's brilliantly funny in concert!

The Soapbox: So, along with the changes of Spring, it seems to be time for me to reinvent myself again. What will be my new career? Something around digital marketing, Web content and social networking... and telling my story. I'll keep you posted.