Plotting the Future...or Not

Stuart had his second kidney cancer operation last week and the incision staples pulled out today. He is cancer-free, and we have been breath-takingly lucky to have learned of the cancer and gotten rid of it all in the space of six scary months. I'm breathing more deeply and feeling about 50% less stressed.

And why not? Our daughter is married. Our oldest boy is managing his second store and racking up points with his company. Our younger is happily married, on his third job, and the job changes have all been onward and upward. We have an adorable grandson Eli and a new grandbaby on the way in August. I've gone back to work and, for the most part, am enjoying it. Financially, we haven't defaulted on anything, though we have substantial credit card debt, we need a new computer, fax-printer and car. We get a big discount on our property/school taxes now that Stuart is over 65, Medicare is helping with his medical expenses, and his first Social Security check arrives next week -- we can surely use it.

But the country's economy has gotten itself into a bad fix that at least my son-in-law Demian saw coming. He's doing well, with his stores of gold Krugerands and land investments in Vermont, but Stuart, now healthy, is out of work. He is a title closer (freelance rep for title insurance companies at real estate closings). And nobody's getting mortgages or refinances, now or in the foreseeable future.

It's hard to plan. Obviously, this would not be a good time for us to sell the house and move out of the NY metro corridor. At 60 and 65, how much longer can we work? And when we stop working, how much will we have? (As near as I can tell, around $40K annually -- if this "recession" doesn't wipe out our current retirement accounts -- anyway, much more modest than the income we've been used to here in the Lower Hudson Valley, a modest level almost certainly requiring resettlement in an area much less-expensive to live in.)

In the past, I would just make up my mind to do something and, sooner or later, it got done. At this age and stage, our health can change any best-laid plan overnight. I think I can work till age 66. But will my job last? Will my body stay together? Stuart thinks he can work till 75, which I think is "pie in the sky," supporting us after I retire (again). He says this even though he has no work, no intention of finding other work and no clue when the housing market will come back, or even it it will resemble the market he once knew.

And so, I need an alternative to planning. Something to prevent me from feeling like a victim of this society's greed and my own anxieties. Some way to turn it around and get rid of the other 50% of my anxiety. Sounds idealistic, I know, but I think there's a way. Some people are raised doing this: We call them "Polyannas," but they tend to be happy, healthy and live a long time. It's not a bad idea to aspire to that kind of simplicity.

So what if, like every other "scrape" in my long life, I manage to get through this one, too? My record is good...and, by now, long. What if I just concentrate on right now and doing the right things now? Due to the poor economy (bad), we are getting a $1200 rebate from the government (good). And that $1,200 will pay down some of our debt. With that jump-start, maybe I can continue to pay off the credit cards while also saving $50 here, $200 there. And from there, I switch to "I will" instead of "maybe" -- I commit to paying off debt and saving for retirement. And this is the sort of loose "plan" that can realistically be made.

As for where we'll go in five or 10 years...or whenever...I'll have to trust that when its time to sell the house and move, we'll know it...and that we'll figure out where to go...and still have the energy to get there.